Bonds: not very very comfy undies

One of my pet hates is false advertising. I once considered complaining to the ACCC about Woolworth’s ‘fresh food’ claim when I realised that green bananas and rock hard pears are technically fresh off the trees. But can’t they just leave them on the trees a little longer? When I am shopping how am I supposed to know if I’ll feel like a banana next week?

One legitimate claim I may have though is Bonds’ claim of ‘comfy undies’. They have been using this tag for years but I have never heard them acutally back up why they claim that their underwear is comfortable. Is this just ‘puffery’? (See, I did remember something from Law 101). What makes them so comfortable? They can parade Patrick Rafter around in their underwear as much as they like but I think that Australian men deserve some specifics.

So here are some specifics on why I think they are uncomfortable. Firstly, they are too tight around my testicles. Now I don’t have particularly large balls, but even for me the undies pull them up into my body. This can even be painful when sitting or lying in certain positions. Even worse is the fact that it is now commonly understood that this increases the tempeture which can have a negative affect on fertility.

Secondly, while being too tight around the testicles I find them too loose around the penis. Unfortunately I was a victim of forced circumcision as an infant, and as a result my glans (head), which should naturally be mostly an internal organ, is constantly exposed to annoying friction with underwear. If this part of the underwear is loose, my glans are allowed to move around too much causing a great deal of irritation.

So in my opinion, Bonds have it back to front – their men’s underwear is too tight down low and too loose up high.

I should admit that I actually wear bonds underwear. But here is what I need to do to actually make them comfortable. I buy them, and like a good cellar wine, I put them away for at least 3 years. In this time, the cotton seems to become more relaxed, and makes them just right around the scrotum. Unfortunately they also become looser around the penis. But as I can now cover my glans with my foreskin remnant following an almost complete foreskin restoration this is now less of an issue.

So as a repeat customer, i don’t think my complaint to the ACCC would stand up. I would like to understand if Bonds actually did any market research into what Australian men actually want from their underwear. Bonds – if you do decide to actually do some research please let me know and I’ll be happy to tell you more.

AMI oral strips and nasal sprays: do they actually work?

If you have been up past your bedtime you have probably been exposed to some television advertisements for Advanced Medical Institute’s (AMI)  nasal sprays and more recently, oral strips. In addition to the commercials, AMI has also been a prolific advertiser through billboards, both the stationary roadside variety and the mobile variety towed through the streets by motor scooters. AMI oral strips do they work?Most use themes such as ‘want longer lasting sex’ or ‘more sex’ and ‘oral strip to last longer making love’. While action has been taken against the company, claiming that the advertising is offensive, I’ve found them only slightly embarressing, especially when confronted with them while in the company of my mother. Many other Australian men may only be concerned with whether the oral strips and nasal spray technologies actually work.

The ubiquity of the advertising provides the first clue in determining the effectiveness of AMI’s products. If the products did work, would they need to advertise them so much? In this age news of a product that really does work can spread very quickly through social media. And in the case of a medical product, wouldn’t it be sold through recommendations from doctors? Or perhaps the intimate nature of the problem AMI is claiming to fix is one which customers are are not comfortable disclosing on social media.

Which leads me to the question of what problem does AMI claim to fix with these oral strips and nasal sprays? Remarkably AMI’s website claims that their oral strip product treats both premature ejaculation and erectile dysfunction, cleverly expanding their target market to include a broad age group of Australian men. Putting this through ‘common sense’ test, you would have to ask if it plausible that their active ingredient would successfully treat a man who suffers from premature ejaculation (possibly caused by too much excitement, responsiveness and sensitivity) as well as erectile dysfunction (possibly caused by a lack of responsiveness and sensitivity)? While acknowledging that there are multiple, varied and complex causes of both issues, it seems unlikely to me that the one product could improve conditions that are at the opposite ends of the spectrum of male sexual performance.

Another thing to note from their website is that there are no claims of ‘fixing’ or ‘curing’ either of these conditions, only the ‘treatment’ of the conditions – a more ambiguous term that I’m sure was carefully chosen to help protect them from ACCC scrutiny.

Another question to ask is whether they they trying to fix a problem that doesn’t actually exist. Medical history is filled with examples of the medical world creating a problem in the minds of patients and then selling the ‘remedy’. Is this just another example? While there is an argument that erectile dysfunction is largely a natural part of the natural aging process, it is understandable that many men may want some help to retain their youthful virility. So perhaps addressing this issue is validly meeting a pre-existing market, even though blood thinning drugs such as Viagra would seem to have an established track record. But with regards to premature ejaculation, why would finishing in a timely manner be bad from an evolutionary standpoint? Could it perhaps be an advantage by giving you the opportunity and energy to procreate more frequently, with more partners?

AMI’s advertising relies on making men feel inadequate, by showing the disappointment from female partners who are supposedly left unsatisfied from their partner finishing ‘too early’. From my experience, most women need manual stimulation to finish off anyway, so except in severe cases, lasting longer is not necessarily an advantage. I am yet to meet or or even hear of a woman who enjoys endless banging away.

I can’t find any evidence to suggest that AMI’s oral strip actually works in successfully treating any of the real or ‘created’ issues it claims to treat. In fairness to the company, I also haven’t found any evidence that it doesn’t work, apart from my own suspicions and looking at their products with a common sense perspetive. My personal conclusion is that the best approach it to satisfy your partner with what you have, using any mutually loving methods you can think of, rather than allowing a company such as AMI to artificially create insecurities in your own mind.

Image courtesy of Ambro at FreeDigitalPhotos.net